Rummaging Through my Thoughts

This morning, unlike most mornings, I woke up feeling very...gloomy. Mainly about my financial situation. Its not about not making enough money. Its not about not being able to buy all the pretty things I want.
(Growing up I had a plan. A time line for my life. Pretty much a typical thing for a girl. I'm still very stuck on that time line. As i got older, like any other person, life teaches you things. If not life itself, life introduces you to people who then teach you things. My time line didn't change. Things just got rearranged. I still have the same dreams. The same goals. I allowed my fears and lief to get in my way. So for now I sit here complaining to myself.)
On my way to work I stopped by one of the five Seven-Elevens, I bought my breakfast, my lunch, and this months Glamour magazine. It didn't help my mood. Sigh. (I wont mention any of the pretty things or the pretty people.) One of the columns: What's Your American Dream?" *Said in my French accent.* Someone is Houston has the exact same one I do. "My American dream is to travel the world as if it were my playground. I want to see and experience everything I possibly can. I wasn't put here to be stuck in a cubicle day after day." Sigh. The only thing that stops that dream for me is the not having enough money part.
I think have come to terms on a thing or two not happening for me. I don't think that is a good thing, but I have learned to be ok with that.
Like that one song says, "...it may seem to you that I am in a place where I am losing the direction of my life...". I think I lost my way, back in '06. Im still lost, but now I am admitting to myself that I am lost. (Feels kinda nice not to hear "Lost In the Sauce", LOL.)
Right at this moment, it feels as though, the only way to get back on track, "is to be financially sound, happy and healthy"; all the same time though. I don't think I'm anywhere near being financially sound. I only blame myself. (Like on many other things.)I'm healthy, unless you're counting the fact that my glasses need a new Rx.

Up To Speed

Moved back to Texas in Nov 2009, a week before hubby deployed to Afghanistan. Joined a fitness gym in Feb2010. I admitted to being addicted to anything fitness related in Mar2010, around the same time hubby came home for R&R. Under doctor's order i had to stop going to the gym, and fell off that bandwagon by midApril2010. It is now June2010 and the doctor has given me the a-ok to get back on. I started Pilates yesterday. My abs are sore today. I've already given up my gym membership, so im thinking of starting again on the running outside. We'll see how that goes. Im also in the midst of planning my move back to Georgia. The plan is for me to back in Ga. by midAugust2010. Hubby returns from overseas sometime between Oct/Nov2010. We have our eyes and hearts set on a pretty little house in a nice little neighborhood. Reminds me of that book The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton, well the cover anyways.

'A Sound Mind is A Sound Body'

I wish I could say that is me. That is, however, the hubby. I'm always wondering what he thinks of certain things, situations, and how his thought process goes. Or if his mind just runs. I've tried to figure him out, but today I have declared to him that I would no longer do that. Sigh.
My mind is always going, always in chaos. It runs even faster when all around me it's quiet.

Empty. Lost. Alone.

For the past few days i've been all alone in this aparment. The hubby is at, what I call, a 'dress rehearsal'. I feel so alone without his company. I'm really trying not to complain or whine too much. I know other ppl are experiencing deployments right now. This does make me want to prepare more for a deployment. The hubby said i could get a puppy. It'll be my baby. Heehee.
Anywho, i've stopped watching the Ghost Hunter episodes. It's too scary by myself.
I dont know how 'D' does it. Although she is at home with family. I did opt to stay here in Georgia, far away from family and friends.

Boredom Meets Frustration

It's 15 til 3am and I'm just now startin to get sleepy. I feel so alone with out the hubby. I'm getting depressed. I feel like I'm the only person in this town. The only sound is the tv that can't keep my attention anymore. I dunno what to do to keep me busy anymore. The laundry is done. I miss him. The worst part is that it's only been two days. I'm gettin anxious already. I dunno how imma do it when deployment comes. I'm going crazy with loneliness already.

Today i woke up a few minutes shy of 1pm. Sigh. Now my sleep schedule is all screwed up. I miss the hubby. It's getting dark outside. There's another storm coming in. I've been in my pajamas since I got up. Cant wait til we are financially set so i can keep myself busy. I want to start quilting. I've been inspired.

C'est La Vie

So I just moved to Georgia from Texas. I have to admit that it's pretty nice. The absolute only down fall is being so far away from family. I cant just take a 20 min drive to my mom's house anymore. Luckily I haven't gotten too nostalgic. The hubby is here to keep me company.
Anyway, since the move a whole lot has happened. Some good, some bad. That's Life.
First, we got us a really nice apartment. We have our own place again. He gathered a couple of guys from the barracks to help us move in all our stuff. When everybody left, we were all alone just the two of us. We looked around and the feeling was awesome. The place was ours. Imagine what it feels like to buy your own house. Maybe one day. Another thing that felt like an accomplishment was the morning our sectional couch arrived. We bought them ourselves. Cash money. No financing. Lol.
One thing that he is especially proud of is that he can support us on his income alone. I'm still going to get a job though. I was recently hired to work at Starbucks. My parents got a great laugh out of that one. I had to take a drug test before they could tell me when would be my first day on the job. So I called yesterday to see if they got the results for my drug test. (I'm anxious to start working). They told me the drug test came back positive. "Wait, What?!"
Apparently mistakes do happen, but the results never made it to Starbucks. So...it shows them positive, unfortunately I have to wait another three days for the correct results to get to them.
Today is Friday, we were invited to go out to a bar. I'm not sure I wanna go, but I most likely will.
The hubby is home. Gotta go serve lunch.