Rummaging Through my Thoughts

This morning, unlike most mornings, I woke up feeling very...gloomy. Mainly about my financial situation. Its not about not making enough money. Its not about not being able to buy all the pretty things I want.
(Growing up I had a plan. A time line for my life. Pretty much a typical thing for a girl. I'm still very stuck on that time line. As i got older, like any other person, life teaches you things. If not life itself, life introduces you to people who then teach you things. My time line didn't change. Things just got rearranged. I still have the same dreams. The same goals. I allowed my fears and lief to get in my way. So for now I sit here complaining to myself.)
On my way to work I stopped by one of the five Seven-Elevens, I bought my breakfast, my lunch, and this months Glamour magazine. It didn't help my mood. Sigh. (I wont mention any of the pretty things or the pretty people.) One of the columns: What's Your American Dream?" *Said in my French accent.* Someone is Houston has the exact same one I do. "My American dream is to travel the world as if it were my playground. I want to see and experience everything I possibly can. I wasn't put here to be stuck in a cubicle day after day." Sigh. The only thing that stops that dream for me is the not having enough money part.
I think have come to terms on a thing or two not happening for me. I don't think that is a good thing, but I have learned to be ok with that.
Like that one song says, "...it may seem to you that I am in a place where I am losing the direction of my life...". I think I lost my way, back in '06. Im still lost, but now I am admitting to myself that I am lost. (Feels kinda nice not to hear "Lost In the Sauce", LOL.)
Right at this moment, it feels as though, the only way to get back on track, "is to be financially sound, happy and healthy"; all the same time though. I don't think I'm anywhere near being financially sound. I only blame myself. (Like on many other things.)I'm healthy, unless you're counting the fact that my glasses need a new Rx.

Up To Speed

Moved back to Texas in Nov 2009, a week before hubby deployed to Afghanistan. Joined a fitness gym in Feb2010. I admitted to being addicted to anything fitness related in Mar2010, around the same time hubby came home for R&R. Under doctor's order i had to stop going to the gym, and fell off that bandwagon by midApril2010. It is now June2010 and the doctor has given me the a-ok to get back on. I started Pilates yesterday. My abs are sore today. I've already given up my gym membership, so im thinking of starting again on the running outside. We'll see how that goes. Im also in the midst of planning my move back to Georgia. The plan is for me to back in Ga. by midAugust2010. Hubby returns from overseas sometime between Oct/Nov2010. We have our eyes and hearts set on a pretty little house in a nice little neighborhood. Reminds me of that book The Little House by Virginia Lee Burton, well the cover anyways.